Irreconcilable Differences. Puppy Wars alliances broken. War ends.

The alliance is broken.  The war ends.

It is the end of an era.  George and Boomer have broken up.  I guess my only surprise is that it took this long.  Boomer has given George the boot.  Boomer is suing the state for emancipation.  In his court documents, he is citing irreconcilable differences.

Boomer states that  

"George's shooting average is irreconcilable!"

George is on record admitting,  "Disgusted with my shooting percentage opening day, I caught Boomer pan handling on the street."

Betty's only commentary was, "It is so hard to find true loyalty these days."  Her statement was dictated between bites of New York Strip while upon her down filled sofa.
   

I must say though, that even I feel that Boomer has smited a low blow.  Boomer has hunted with George for years...

Boomer should know by now not to expect better.

Boomer, you are always welcome back here at Big Bad Collars.  Your modeling legacy could never be filled.

(You wouldn't happen to have Gauge's number on you, by the way...)

Sanctions. Puppy Wars.

"Suffering under the economy like the rest of us and too proud to eat cup cakes (modeling isn’t paying too well right now), Boomer has gone to work in the apple orchards."

(he really is picking apples out of the tree)

 The harsh winter months...

My brother has decided to wield the ultimate weapon of the Puppy Wars:  Guilt.

What's it gonna take...Puppy Wars ensue...

(sigh...finally...got...it...done!)

I got an email:  (my family is soooooo predictable...and I love them for it...so easy to bait!)

BETTY THE MAGNIFICENT MYSTERY DOG

The email read:  " 'What's it gonna take to get.... ' my baby pictured on the blog.  Seems like your dogs and George's dogs are the only dogs that exist in your universe.   Hansi has seen some "web-space", perhaps that is because he has "Hans" in the name [my brother's full name is Hans George].  I guess I will just have to continue to know only privately how beautiful the Boop is -- here are few reminders of the princess' special beauty, since you seem to have forgotten her."

Well Marg...here is the homage!  Apparently it just takes a lot of whining!  And the threat of being pushed off a ledge of the Grand Canyon.  And remember emails are legal documents...they could pin you for motive!  (baby sister survival tactic #1:  assume predictable reprisals...potentially violent as well)

 

 (MY MOM HAVING TO HOLD BOTH "BABIES")

Betty is another one of Marg's "oh no I don't need a new dog right now and there is no way I am keeping this one" dogs.  Betty was rescued at about 6 months old, starving, from the streets and full of tumors.  Now that thing is full of tenacity and self importance.  She is so fast, jumps so high, and swims so far that Marg actually had DNA testing done on her to find out her breed.  There was a lot in there but Russian Borzois was the dominant.  Betty was so mixed up and so rare that they kept her on file so they could retest her as the DNA testing improved.

This dog now has her own day care, play group, and has become one of Kathy Sdao's  helper dogs and helps Kathy acclimate untested and aggressive dogs!  This is a far cry from the fence leaping, shoe chewing mongrel sighthound that took off after every squirrel or assumed squirrel.  Not to mention the time Marg fell in the brambles, scraped on asphalt and was all cut up and bleeding (terrifying people that saw her bloody self coming out of the park) trying to protect Betty from a rabid raccoon.  (Or was that one Bob, the original "there's no way I'm keeping this dog" dog?)  Needless to say, there isn't much that hasn't or wouldn't be done for our little ego maniac :-).

Betty now has her own custom design (that God knows how many hours it took me to perfect!) following Marg's precise dictates and design approval.  With matching leash!  It is pink and whimsy...just like Betty!

Which,  by the way,  the set can now be found exclusively at Tierisch Exclusiv (on the home page even!)  Yep, the dog even has her own Couture Fashion Line now!

How's that for a proper homage!

Are egos appropriately soothed?  (And more importantly, have I secured safe passage on the Grand Canyon Trail?)

 (Now I just have to wait for Boomerdonna's prima response...Maybe George is out hunting and jeeping this week...)


(PS:  NOT pictured of course is Betty standing on the dining room table, eating all the "election day cupcakes" my sister's friend brought for the last Presidential election.  Note to self:  New Conspiracy Theory developing:  Democrats + secret memos = cupcakes.  I know more Democrats that baked cupcakes the last election!  Strange.  All I can say is "Go Betty Go!  Good Dog Betty! Good Girl!"  i know i'm gonna pay for that one...)

And the mud-puppy slinging continues... Puppy Wars.

 PRIMA BOOMER-DONNA.

NATURE OR NURTURE?  YOU DECIDE.

I was actually at the leather shop last week, late one afternoon, when I got a frantic phone call from my mom.

"You know my computer has been down right..."

(Me)"Yah. uh-huh..." as I distractedly look for dragon decorations and for the crystals that are on sale, not really listening.  She is clearly really upset and, me being the good daughter as usual, I am more interested in the cobra skins than her latest computer collapse.

"Well, your brother was out here early yesterday to work on it..."

Now my attention has been snapped to the conversation.  You see my mother has been a night owl my whole life.  Hates mornings.  I had received a comment from her at 6:28 am.  Rather peculiar, but I figured she had an early appointment or some such.  But something else was peculiar:  the humor of the comment.  But this I attributed to the early hour...and figured she was off a little due to her brain not being fully awake yet.

"MEET BOOMER'S APPRENTICE, LILY (AKA LEXI). 

THE LATEST SUPER MODEL FROM STUDIO BOOMER, LTD."

You see, the family dogs are a big love for my mother.  I swear those things get better treatment...hell, better medical care even... than I did.  And yes I admit it.  I am jealous of the dog.  I am low and petty and jealous of the dog.

My mom had, shocking even in humor, said Gauge the puppy "looks evil" in that comment. Her children are fair game...but the dogs...never!  (see comments and picture here) 

Light bulbs...downright strobe lights...are going off in my head...

The next day I get this email at 6:02am:

Sue,

   I wish you wouldn’t pick on Mom so much, especially facial hair (that’s below the belt).  Also when I told her you called her a Prima Donna she said you were cruising.  As for improvements to the web page, a spell check in the comments section wouldn’t hurt my feelings.

George

Ahh,  George.  You think you have dissuaded me with cute puppy pictures.  Let me remind you that I have senior pictures.  And the mullet traipsing, Squire Shop T-shirt, peach fuzz years are not forgotten.  I remember being dragged through town as mom searched for the last vestiges of wide leg Levis... 

By the way, may I remind you as well, Heidi...your wife...owns Gauge.  I am thinking .... slide show maybe...

Vengeance is succeeded through perseverance.  Perseverance was defined by the baby-sister.

Let me just say almond tuxedos and "Footloose".

 

It started innocently enough...Big Bad Collars.

It all started innocently enough:  It was just a phone call to my sister-in-law.  I just wanted let her know that her shots of the collars on her dog that I posted on Etsy received literally hundreds of hits in the 10 hours it was up...and please send any other cute ones you find.

My brother got jealous.

I was informed that Boomer, my brother's dog,  was unsettled by this publicity stunt for Gauge and was wanting to break contract with Big Bad Collars.  After soothing Boomer Prima Donna's nerves (Boomerdonna for short) that he is still the most featured dog at Big Bad Collars, I received an adorable puppy picture from my sister-in-law.

Of Gauge, of course.



Then the retaliation began.  It has now escalated...I fear beyond my control...

 

THE PUPPY WARS HAVE BEGUN!